I close my eyes and I see you

I close my eyes and I hear you

I close my eyes and I feel you

I open my eyes and your not here

I open my eyes and I can’t hear you

I open my eyes and your touch is gone….

I love with all my heart

I feel with all my heart

I live with all my heart

You have my heart…

I want it back

My heart is for you now

My love is for you now

My soul still lingers for you to touch

My mind races for you

I gave my heart away once

I gave it to someone else

I got it back

Battered

Bruised

Still whole

I got it back

Will you take a used heart

Will you make it yours

Will you take this sheltered heart

Will you be that one

Will I get it back

I once had a perfect heart

I once had the perfect love

I once had the one that spoke to my soul

I once rose high above

I gave it all up

I gave it all away

I gave it all to them

I gave it …

I got it back

A little worse for wear

It still works and beats for that new person

I don’t want it back damaged this time

I don’t want to cry

I don’t want to deal with all the pain

I don’t want it back like that….

Be gentle with this heart

It can speak volumes with just a touch

Be gentle with this heart

It can be yours in just a touch

Be gentle with this heart

It is mine…

Until you take it…

For Mah Hunee…

I misses you!

The sky has lost it’s color
The sun has turned to grey
At least that’s how it feels to me
Whenever you’re away
I crawl up in the corner
As I watch the minutes pass
Each one brings me closer to
The time you’re comin’ back

I can’t take the distance
I can’t take the miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callin your name

But I can’t take the distance

I still believe my feelings
But sometimes I feel too much
I make believe you’re close to me
But it ain’t close enough
Not nearly close enough

I can’t take the distance
I can’t take the miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m callin your name

I brave fire and I brave rain
To be by your side I’d do anything
I can’t take the distance

I will go the distance
I will go the miles
That’s how much you mean to me

‘Cause I can’t take the distance
I can’t take these miles
I can’t take the time until I next see you smile
I can’t take the distance
And I’m not ashamed
That with every breath I take I’m calling your name
I can’t take the distance

It’s hard to remember
As long as you’re away
When I find solace
There’s only one way

Morning all!

It’s a beautiful day here in the ramblings.  It’s been a very strange but happy two weeks.  I have a great boyfriend, who makes me smile and laugh, and I have great friends that I can talk to about anything

Just thought I would do a quick stop by, and tell you all Have a great and happy day!

<3 ya and happy reading!

Hey readers!

As you all know I stepped into a relationship a week ago.  Yes, it’s a long distance relationship, and yes, it’s tough.  That’s not the part that has me all confused.  The part that has me all confused, is the fact that he can make me feel the way I feel, from so very far away.  We talk everyday, and we text everyday, and we chat online in the evenings.

What has me so baffled is the fact that, when we aren’t chatting, texting or talking to each other, I feel kinda empty inside.  I don’t get this.  We haven’t met yet, and we haven’t even held hands or kissed, and yet I miss him so much it almost hurts.  I am very confused by this, baffled even…

I know I am not in love, this isn’t the same thing.  That could change when we finally do get the chance to be near each other….or we could end up hating each other.  I think that scares me just a little.  At the moment though, I want nothing more than to hear his voice, and his laugh, and to hear him call me ‘love’ and talk cute.  Yeah, I turn into a complete 15yo when we talk.  He brings out this side of me, I haven’t seen in a long time.  I am happy, but confused and sad and excited and emotional all at the same time.  I have this insatiable urge to be in his arms, and I have a feeling that this will only get worse after meeting.  Then what do I do?

I guess, as we grow in this relationship, I will become a little less confused and bewildered.  Until then, happy reading!

Hello readers

I did something wild…crazy…unpredictable and completely out of character for me!

I have been talking with a guy for a bit now, and we have been quite chummy with each other.  We stepped out on the proverbial limb the other night, and decided to try a long distance relationship.  He is the funny, amazing, incredible guy who makes me giggle, laugh and feel good about myself.  I have some concerns, as anyone would stepping into a new relationship, albeit a long distance one.  As always, I will take it one step at a time and make the very besst of it.  It sucks that he is 16 hours away   and it amazes me that even though we haven’t met in person, the way he makes me feel while just talking with him and chatting is so incredibly easy.  I am not one that warms up to people like this, but he brings it all out in me.  It’s like he knows me before he knew me.

I hope everyone has a blessed St. Patrick’s Day and enjoy yourselves!

I have had the strangest occurrence ever…

I met this guy, well, when I say met, I mean talk.  He seems super sweet, and funny and makes me giggle and smile.  He seems to read me like a book, and we barely know each other.  I am in a spot… I am not sure where to go from here.  He lives in a different state, he and I have talked quite a bit.  So, let me get to the point here.

I am usually a person who gaurds my heart, well he is beating at those barriers.  It’s scary and yet oddly nice.  I don’t know what to think about it.  He seems like this incredible guy who is amazing to talk to, he causes me to open up more than I normally would with someone at this stage, and I am just wondering if I won’t step in and cause myself to get hurt and fail.  It’s strange…I mean yeah there have been other peeps in my life over the last 9 months or so, that I have let in, and talked to, and enjoyed just hanging out with.  But… when he leaves…I feel kinda lost and lonely, almost like he took a piece of me with him.  Which concerns me.  I haven’t felt this way since ‘He’ moved away.  I have been slowly getting over that empty space, and now..this wonderful Irish guy is slowly working his way into that place…trying to fill the void..and I may just let him… but I ask myself.  Is this just me filling that void, and if so, what good will it come to?  Is this my way of finally breaking free of the holds that were in place for sooo long, and my way of letting it all go finally?  Is it just me being me?

I sit here, and we text each other, and we talk on the phone, and he gives me that feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I smile when I think about his next text or our next phone call.  Yet, I wince, because I am scared I am setting myself up for pain, hurt, regret and a broken heart…yet again.

I guess the only thing to do, is to just go with the flow, see what transpires.  Maybe this is what I have been looking for, maybe this is my path?  I guess we will see.

Love, hugs and lots of kisses!!

Well, it’s about midnight….and I keep coming across things and seeing things and hearing things…and I just don’t wanna hear or see them anymore.  I keep telling myself I am over and done with all this, and yet there it is.  I am tired of it, and I just want it to stop.

Tears…they come so easily.  Yet, they are so frustrating and irritating, and they piss me off.  Why am I still crying over it all?  Why am I still just so stupidly entangled in it, and I don’t need to be, and I don’t want to be, and yet here I sit at midnight on a Sunday/Monday morning and let the tears fall.  Why?  Hell I don’t know anymore.  It’s like I can’t move forward without falling behind.  I just wanna feel normal again.  I don’t want to feel this way anymore.  It hurts, and it sucks!

It should have been me.  Really, it should have.  I just wasn’t right though.  Not the right fit, or whatever.  I keep telling myself…it’s better now…I keep lieing and trying to hide it all.  I just can’t muddle through it …it just eats at me and digs into my soul.  It should have been me…Should have been, but it’s not and it never will be.  Ever.

I keep trying to walk away…

It keeps pulling me back….

I keep crying over it, like it will help…  and I waste my tears, over and over again…

Whenever I have a title like that, I always prepare myself, because it’s usually random nonsense that comes out of my fingers as they fly across the keyboard.

Don’t you just hate it when something is said, out of context of what is meant, yet you throw it into a new perspective and try to figure things out?

Example:

Logical Love

Let’s break this down.

Logical means according to or agreeing with the principals of logic; reasoning in accordance with the principle’s of logic, as a person or the mind; reasonable, to be expected

Love means a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend; a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart; sexual passion or desire.

Okay, so where am I going with this?  That is what I am trying to find out.

What would you consider ‘logical love’?  The love of two people that are in accordance with each other’s passion and desires?  The love of two people that just seem to fit together emotionally, physically and spiritually?  I could continue to ask these questions, there are so many ways to look at it.  I have been told that ‘logical love’ does not exist.  I have been told that ‘logical love’ is just that, Love that logically works out.  What the hell does that mean?  As you can see, I have been thinking about this subject, and I have no answers.

See, this is what happens when I come across something or I hear something that catches my fancy, I tend to over think it, and over analyze it, and try to figure out why it would be said in the first place.  This, my friends, is one of those times.  Does logical love exist?

I will continue to research this issue, and see what I can come up with.

I hear the sound of his voice in my head, and I can’t get over the way it still makes me feel.  I search back through the memories, and still feel the same way I did, before they were memories.  I hear a song and his lips come to mind, and I feel that soft touch.  I see a flash of color that reminds me of his eyes and my heart melts.  I feel the rush of his memories running through my mind at every juncture of my life, and I rejoice in the way it makes me feel.

Is it sad, that one person can excite all of those things in me.  I am amazed that my mind and body react so readily to a thought, a sight, a sound and even just a memory.  Is it just that the mind lingers over the things we liked the most, and moves the bad things out?

I drive to work, 30 minutes, every morning.  In that time, I will see or hear something that brings him into my mind.  What can I do?  I like him there, but boy, does he interfere at some of the worst times imaginable.  So, I am coming to terms with the fact that this memory will always be there.  I will never be rid of it.  I just need to learn how to adjust and work my way around the memory and thoughts and rush of emotion, when I see, hear or feel that rush.

I sit here, and I think and I giggle, because I know.  He will just shake his head and wonder what I was thinking.  The answer to that is… I was thinking about him, always   Amazing how someone can affect someone else so deeply.

Howdy readers!

It has definitely been a Monday!  I had a short weekend with very little sleep.  I think from Friday morning through this morning I got maybe 12 hours of sleep total.  I am just really stressed about the stuff going on with my dad, and just trying to make sure that I get to see him before anything gets any worse.

I guess it could be worse…right?

I could be homeless, jobless, and on the street!  Thank the Lord that I am not though!  I could have no friends or family that care for me.  Well, that is definitely not the case.  I am blessed.  I know that.  I should take that knowledge and thrive off of it.  I think the negative stuff in my life is over powering my positive.  I will find my balance, it may just take a bit.

Well, I just wanted to stop by and give ya’ll a quick glimpse into my personal chaos..LOL

Have a great week!