Archive for the ‘Midnight Ramblings’ Category

Happy after midnight on a Thursday.

I’ve been listening to music again.. and that makes me think.. and remember and then wonder.  Isn’t that the way it always goes?  So, I have picked up some new music..err well new to me anyways.  One of the songs is Keith Urban’s Til Summer comes around. The song makes me think back over the past few months….

Another long summer’s come and gone
I don’t know why it always ends this way
The boardwalk’s quiet and the carnival rides
Are as empty as my broken heart tonight

But I close my eyes and one more time
We’re spinning around and you’re holding on tightly
The words came out, I kissed your mouth
No Fourth of July has ever burned so brightly
You had to go, I understand
But you promised you’d be back again
And so I wander ’round this town
’til summer comes around

I got a job working at the old park pier
And every summer now for five long years
I grease the gears, fix the lights, tighten bolts, straighten the tracks
And I count the days ’til you just might come back

But then I close my eyes and one more time,
We’re spinning around and you’re holdin’ on tightly
The words came out, I kissed your mouth,
No Fourth of July has ever burned so brightly
You had to go, I understand
But you swore that you’d be back again
And so I’m frozen in this town
’til summer comes around

Oh and I close my eyes and you and I
Are stuck on a ferris wheel rockin with the motion
Hand in hand we cried and laughed
Knowing that love belonged to us girl, if only for a moment
And “Baby I’ll be back again” you whispered in my ear
Bot now the winter wind is the only sound
And everything is closing down
’til summer comes around

If you get the chance you should go check the song out.  Now to get down to what it brings out in me.

I know I broke your heart.  I know I will break your heart.

I wanna feel your hand in mine again.  I wanna feel your arms around me just once more.  It felt almost right.  I fought myself tooth and nail.  I didn’t want to break your heart.  I didn’t want you to know.  I didn’t want to know.  I feel lost lately.  I feel like I am going to break another heart, and it breaks my heart.  I don’t wanna be that person.   I just wanna go back.  Just for a minute and change one thing, then maybe it wouldn’t feel like I did you wrong.

I am in a strange place.  I like this person.. and that person.. and well I know that they like me.  The only problem I have.. is that I don’t want to break their hearts.  I think that is why I am soo reluctant to take a step and hold onto that one thing they wanna give me.  What to do?  What to say?  What to think?  Who’s heart will break?  Will it be mine in the end?

I guess these are all the questions I should be asking.. and with none of the answers I like.

Until then..

<3 Kitty

You know what sucks…

People who take something of yours and take it for their own.  Not a physical item.. but just an idea.  I guess I could consider it flattering that my idea was used, but I am just angry more or less.  It makes me wonder what impact I had on a person that they would come back later and take an idea that I had and not even have the decency to say.. Hey thanks for that!

I know it’s petty.. and selfish.. but it was my idea..

Maybe it’s because I left this lasting impression on him…. Maybe it’s because he thinks about me.. Maybe it’s because he is just a spiteful ass who thinks he can have anything he wants.. when in fact.. he is a whiney.. immature individual..

It really is stupid to get so worked up over something.. but its quite irritating… One of these days I will sit back and confront him on the issue.. but until then.. I guess every time I see it.. or hear it.. it will just bury itself a little deeper in my angry spot.. I’ll get over it.. I always do..

Well, I am about to pass out at the keyboard.. ya’ll have a great day!

<3 Kitty

P.S. Edited after the fact due to angryness and sleep depravity

Morning all!  Well it’s after midnight.. so this is officially one of my midnight ramblings.. Here goes nothing!

I am in a stupidly funky mood this evening/morning.  I have had to deal with stupidity, family drama, and technological failure.  People freaking amaze me at how selfish they can be.  People freaking amaze me at how stupid they can act.  Nuff said there!

I do have something that I have come to look forward to.  I have developed some great friendships over the past couple of weeks.  I have some amazing people in my life that put up with my crazy ass.  From the random texts and phone calls, to yahoo messenger.. I have a few great people I can turn to.  They know who they are, and I know that at least one of them is a reader here.  I just want to say.. Thank you guys!  Yall help me survive the day and without that communication outlet, I just might explode.  So, I have begun to look forward to that little something during the day, that let’s me know.. Hey, you’re on my mind.

With that said.. Have you ever realized that you could actually feel like your someplace you want to be, but you can’t actually be there?  It’s just become comfy there, and you feel like this is someplace you need to be, but you can’t be there.  Another cryptic little tidbit in this random world of mine.  I have this need to be someplace I am not, and can’t get there… because of all the limitations and hurdles and obstacles.  Ugh!  So, I have to admit it.. there are tears in my eyes, and a want deep in my heart, that cannot be fulfilled.

I think I need to stop here, I may short out the laptop if I continue..

On that little note of discontent.  Yall have a great Thursday!

<3 Kitty

Well, it’s about midnight….and I keep coming across things and seeing things and hearing things…and I just don’t wanna hear or see them anymore.  I keep telling myself I am over and done with all this, and yet there it is.  I am tired of it, and I just want it to stop.

Tears…they come so easily.  Yet, they are so frustrating and irritating, and they piss me off.  Why am I still crying over it all?  Why am I still just so stupidly entangled in it, and I don’t need to be, and I don’t want to be, and yet here I sit at midnight on a Sunday/Monday morning and let the tears fall.  Why?  Hell I don’t know anymore.  It’s like I can’t move forward without falling behind.  I just wanna feel normal again.  I don’t want to feel this way anymore.  It hurts, and it sucks!

It should have been me.  Really, it should have.  I just wasn’t right though.  Not the right fit, or whatever.  I keep telling myself…it’s better now…I keep lieing and trying to hide it all.  I just can’t muddle through it …it just eats at me and digs into my soul.  It should have been me…Should have been, but it’s not and it never will be.  Ever.

I keep trying to walk away…

It keeps pulling me back….

I keep crying over it, like it will help…  and I waste my tears, over and over again…

Where have I been?

Hell if I know…Been in a good place…kinda scared that good place is gonna fall out from underneath me…

I have been talking to someone…and this person makes me smile and laugh!  This person…is just as silly and goofy as me…  One day I might actually get to meet this person…in person O.o…LOL  This person is quite amusing…   It’s very refreshing…and exciting.  I love making new friends

I have been so different the past few weeks…it’s been nice…  I still worry…it’s all gonna go away…then I will be back at square one…sitting here…all flumpified….LOL  Oh well…guess we will have to see what is around the corner…and what might happen

On another note…my babies are getting soo big…I can’t believe that I have a freshman and an intermediate schooler…that seems sooo mind boggling to me… I sit here and think back to my high school days…and pray that my children take after me…and not their father…LMAO…he was always getting into something he shouldn’t have…

Well…it’s just about my bedtime…I have sweet dreams waiting around the corner…and soft pillows to whisk me on my way to those dreams…

Ya’ll have a good night!!

Breathe….it calms you down…

Sing if you want to..even if everyone is listening…

Laugh when you can…it overrules crying..

Don’t forget who you are, or where you came from…

Read the rest of this entry »

Good evening ya’ll…well I have been sitting around the past couple of weeks….and well, trying to get my mind off of love, and romance and all that hissy prissy ooshy gooshy stuff.  To no success…

So, I sit here tonight and I ponder one thing that I said this evening, that made me go…hmmmm…

Read the rest of this entry »

Evening ya’ll..

Well, I am laying here in bed…waiting for the tylenol pm to kick in.  It’s the only way I get any sleep on the weekends lately. 

So, I don’t really know what to write about this evening, just that I needed to.  I guess as my fingers find the right keys, something will fly off of them, and bring something to the written page…or something like that…right? 

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a long week.  I am in a zone of…well…I don’t know.  You guys have been through this with me…

I have officially made a blogging list of songs.  The songs that help me to write.  Maybe it will help me with my stories…eventually I will get back to them.  I am also going to be updating my Kitty’s WoW page as well.  Stay tuned for that.

Read the rest of this entry »

Howdy ya’ll!

So, I had this crazy dream Friday night.  As you all know, I have someone in my life that I love.  He is amazing!  He just doesn’t realize how amazing he really is.  Sometimes, I sit back and review all my feelings, and I (and this sounds bad) try to find a reason not to love him.  You may ask…why?  Well, I sure as hell don’t know.  Maybe I am just concerned about my subconscious and what it’s trying to tell me.

So, this dream…

Read the rest of this entry »