Archive for the ‘Life and Love’ Category

Evening ya’ll

Just sitting here, listening to Sugarland “What I’d Give”, and thinking about… Mmmm

I am sooo in a strange place today.  I feel so…I don’t know…

My mind has been on him lately…alot…I think that’s why I ain’t sleeping…cuz my mind is wandering back… I think about it all, and I just have to sigh… Love makes us do some things that sometimes, we just look back on, and say…Wow…can I do that again..

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I had a friend tell me the other day, that from reading my past blogs, it seems that I love someone else, more than I ever loved my ex.

This to me seems like a strange observance. Why? Well, for one, they can’t possibly know how I felt at any one point in time about my ex, or the current person I want in my life. No one can possibly know my feelings, they are mine.

That being said, I look back, and I try to go over the way I used to feel, and compare it to the way I feel now.

I have thought about it alot, and I have come to one conclusion, and whether you all want to hear it or not…here it is.

I do love him more, but not because I loved my ex less. It’s because of the way he makes me feel when I am around him, or when I talk to him. This is completely silly of me, and I may well regret this in the end, but hey, I gotta do what I gotta do.

When I am around him, it’s like all my senses are on overload. Whether he is just smiling at me, or laughing at something stupid I did. To leaning over and looking over my shoulder, to even the slightest touch. It is different for me. I have never been around someone that makes me feel like this.

This is insane that I am justifying myself, because of what someone thinks. I think I need to do this for myself as well. Maybe it will help me to understand better what it is that I love about this man.

So, let us look at that for a moment..

What do I love about him:

1. He is an amazing person in general. Always wanting to help others where he can.

2. He makes me laugh, and can bring me up when I am down.

3. He has this aura about him, that just sings.

4. He isn’t afraid of anything, and makes you feel secure when you are around him.

5. He has a gentle hand and a warm heart, when he shows it.

6. He has brilliant blue eyes and a cute dimpled smile.

7. He has been there for me and lent a helping hand.

I could go on…really. But I won’t bore you.

So, do I love him more…yes.

But not because I loved my ex any less when we were together.

I can’t really justify the difference. I loved my ex in the past….and that is where that love will lay. I can’t say that I don’t have some little place in my heart that belongs to him. He was my first everything. So, he still has a place in my heart for that.

The man I want now…well he is in the part of my heart that my family and friends don’t occupy. Which is a pretty good chunk of it. If he only knew….

Well, friends, I think I am going to end it here for the moment. Maybe one day I will dwell here again…maybe with a bit more openness.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty