Archive for the ‘Anger Management’ Category

You know what sucks…

People who take something of yours and take it for their own.  Not a physical item.. but just an idea.  I guess I could consider it flattering that my idea was used, but I am just angry more or less.  It makes me wonder what impact I had on a person that they would come back later and take an idea that I had and not even have the decency to say.. Hey thanks for that!

I know it’s petty.. and selfish.. but it was my idea..

Maybe it’s because I left this lasting impression on him…. Maybe it’s because he thinks about me.. Maybe it’s because he is just a spiteful ass who thinks he can have anything he wants.. when in fact.. he is a whiney.. immature individual..

It really is stupid to get so worked up over something.. but its quite irritating… One of these days I will sit back and confront him on the issue.. but until then.. I guess every time I see it.. or hear it.. it will just bury itself a little deeper in my angry spot.. I’ll get over it.. I always do..

Well, I am about to pass out at the keyboard.. ya’ll have a great day!

<3 Kitty

P.S. Edited after the fact due to angryness and sleep depravity

You ever feel like there are people in your life that are meant to be there, but that you get so angry with them, because of something trivial, that you feel bad about it?  Do you ever wonder why they say that love knows no bounds, and yet those bounds are crossed on a daily basis?  Why do people insist on making things that are small and trivial into something big and obnoxious?  Why is it a man that has been in and out of your life for 35 years, is suddenly the most important person in the world, with one little phone call?

This past weekend has been stressful, anger filled, and guilt ridden and for some reason I can’t shake it.  I am all jumbled up inside.  Saturday morning I got a call from my half brother, in Arkansas.  My dad is now bed ridden, and has no use of his legs.  He sounded all raspy and like he has a lot of fluid on his lungs.  I got to talk to him for just a few, before he went back to sleep.  I called later that day, and my brother advised that Dad was on his way to the hospital, he had no movement in his left arm.  I waited for an update, and didn’t get one that evening.  Sunday morning I called and got the hospital information and called and talked to a nurse.  She advised he may have had a minor stroke.  Now the waiting game begins.  I called him today and got to talk to him for a few minutes.  He still sounds all rattley inside but he was alert.  We will have to wait and see what happens.

So, on to another subject.  How can something so small and so trivial, make someone so angry and then come back to make you feel angry and guilty for being angry all at the same time?  The heart speaks the words that only fall on deaf ears and are never heard by those that need it.  I feel like I don’t need to explain myself, but if I don’t explain myself I feel like I am the guilty person who did nothing wrong.  I mean yeah, I am ‘technically’ the one that should be held ‘responsible’ but I didn’t do anything wrong.  I accepted an invite, and got griped at, because the event ran over and into someone else’s plans.  Not because of anything I did, but because of someone else’s actions.  Yet, I get pulled to the side and scolded like a child, when I wasn’t the one responsible for everyone else’s actions.  I cannot control the universe and all that happens in it.  I cannot control those around me, that I have no cotrol over, yet I am the one who gets the brunt of it.  In the end, I feel guilty, and I really did nothing wrong.  Again Love knows no bounds….

I think I need to just walk away from my pc right now.  I have to much on my mind and in my heart for me to go on.  I have been through worse, but I dont’ feel like I can handle it now.  I don’t want worse to come, I want better to come along.  I want Dad to get better, and I want to not feel so awful about things I have no control over, but because my heart steps in the way, I feel bad.

Later guys and gals…see ya on the upside of things…I hope.

Wow….It’s amazing how someone can just tell you how you felt.  Like they were there inside your head and heart!

How can someone just come out and say they know that it wasn’t love back then…that it was just for the ‘great sex’…  Honey, I don’t know what love is to you, but when I love, it isn’t because the sex was great…it isn’t because it was ‘convenient’.  In my case, it was because I actually loved you.  Key word there is LOVED!  Geez…I want to try and stay civil and be friends…you know this…and yet, you sit there and tell me how I felt.  All because you think that I love him more, than I ever loved you.  Well, so what!  Maybe I do…why does it matter?

I loved you then…I love him now…People change, we grow up, we grow out of the past loves, and into new loves.  Some people are lucky enough to actually love one person for all of their relationship and life together.  Some people are lucky enough to experience that love that just strikes them from above and nothing else matters.

I can’t say that it hurts me to hear you say that you didn’t think I loved you.  It angers me to hear it, because it makes it seem like that was what it was for you.  I spent 16 years of my life with you, completely and utterly devoted to making you as happy as I possibly could, and trying to make ends meet, and to keep the kids as happy as possible.  And you sit there and say that I was in it just for the great sex, when that’s what I think it was for you….

So, go ahead and believe what you will, and say what you will.  Only I know how I really felt, you weren’t there in my head, or in my heart…while I lay there night after night after you left, trying to figure out why my love failed on you…you weren’t there to watch me cry myself to sleep, and to curl myself into a ball, and wonder what SHE had that I didn’t.  You weren’t there while I slumped into the nether regions of hell.  Yeah…I didn’t love you at all…

Kitty