Happy after midnight on a Thursday.

I’ve been listening to music again.. and that makes me think.. and remember and then wonder.  Isn’t that the way it always goes?  So, I have picked up some new music..err well new to me anyways.  One of the songs is Keith Urban’s Til Summer comes around. The song makes me think back over the past few months….

Another long summer’s come and gone
I don’t know why it always ends this way
The boardwalk’s quiet and the carnival rides
Are as empty as my broken heart tonight

But I close my eyes and one more time
We’re spinning around and you’re holding on tightly
The words came out, I kissed your mouth
No Fourth of July has ever burned so brightly
You had to go, I understand
But you promised you’d be back again
And so I wander ’round this town
’til summer comes around

I got a job working at the old park pier
And every summer now for five long years
I grease the gears, fix the lights, tighten bolts, straighten the tracks
And I count the days ’til you just might come back

But then I close my eyes and one more time,
We’re spinning around and you’re holdin’ on tightly
The words came out, I kissed your mouth,
No Fourth of July has ever burned so brightly
You had to go, I understand
But you swore that you’d be back again
And so I’m frozen in this town
’til summer comes around

Oh and I close my eyes and you and I
Are stuck on a ferris wheel rockin with the motion
Hand in hand we cried and laughed
Knowing that love belonged to us girl, if only for a moment
And “Baby I’ll be back again” you whispered in my ear
Bot now the winter wind is the only sound
And everything is closing down
’til summer comes around

If you get the chance you should go check the song out.  Now to get down to what it brings out in me.

I know I broke your heart.  I know I will break your heart.

I wanna feel your hand in mine again.  I wanna feel your arms around me just once more.  It felt almost right.  I fought myself tooth and nail.  I didn’t want to break your heart.  I didn’t want you to know.  I didn’t want to know.  I feel lost lately.  I feel like I am going to break another heart, and it breaks my heart.  I don’t wanna be that person.   I just wanna go back.  Just for a minute and change one thing, then maybe it wouldn’t feel like I did you wrong.

I am in a strange place.  I like this person.. and that person.. and well I know that they like me.  The only problem I have.. is that I don’t want to break their hearts.  I think that is why I am soo reluctant to take a step and hold onto that one thing they wanna give me.  What to do?  What to say?  What to think?  Who’s heart will break?  Will it be mine in the end?

I guess these are all the questions I should be asking.. and with none of the answers I like.

Until then..

<3 Kitty