Change…

Is it truly possible?  Animals cannot change their spots or stripes.  People can change their appearance, this is true.  With plastic surgery, hair die, tanning.. whatever pleases them.  But, can a person truly change?

I myself think that some people can change some things, as a whole though, the person is still that person through and through.  Yes, I can tell you that I have changed, but not as a person, just in my demeanor and some of my wants and needs.  We all hold onto those things deep inside that will never change us, no matter how we try.

The man who beats his wife and children.. when pulled from that place.. will say he has changed, but in fact he hasn’t and will go back to beating them again.  The alcoholic who gets thrown into prison, and lives there for years, and says he has changed and has learned to live again, is released and goes straight to the bar to have a drink.  People can say they have changed, and maybe in some small way they have, just not deep down inside.

I have grown accustomed to this life I lead.  I have a solid roof over my head.  My bills are paid.  My kids are clothed and fed.  I have friends and family to turn to.  I love where I am.  I have no need to change myself, or to try to change myself.

I hear, “I have changed, give me a chance to prove it.”

I want to make people understand, it’s not about you changing.  It’s about me and the fact that I am not giving up all that I have done for myself, to throw myself back into that spiral of doubt and depression.  I refuse to do it.  I am in a great place, and I am not giving it up.  I will not sit by and watch you carry on and talk to them and ignore my wants and needs.  I will not sit by and give you everything and not get what I want in return.  I will not sit by and be that support and not get the support in return.  I have grown up a lot over the past three years.  I will admit this.  I know where my priorities lie, and I know where I need to be.  I am not willing to place myself back into that place.

I have walked a path.  I have walked it alone.  I have walked it with God.  I have walked it with my family.  I have walked it with my friends.  My path is clear to me at this point in time.  I am where I need to be.  I am where I am happiest at the moment.  I have gone through Hell ovet the past eight or nine years, trying to find my place in this world.  I have found it.  Let me stay here, let me live my life.  Let me live knowing I have a friend to turn to.  One day, we will all appreciate it in the end.

A leopard cannot change his spots.  Just his demeanor towards you.

<3 Kitty