Ever have something come along and just smack you in the face. Not literally, but figuratively. Seems like the last 24 hours has done this to me.

Everyone knows I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. Everyone (or at least most of you) know I have been divorced for over a year, but we were separated for 2 years before that. So, I have been alone for over three years now. Alone meaning, no boyfriends. When I stepped into this last relationship, I wasn’t sure that I was ready to be in one. I was kinda “glamored” if that is the word I want to use. He knew what to say, how to say it, and I stepped right on in, and loved every minute of it, until I had the realization that, I was dating a ghost. I knew he was there, and others knew he was there. But then those other people around me.. never saw him. I couldn’t hold him. I couldn’t touch him. We weren’t there physically for each other. So, I broke up with him. I decided then, that a long distance thing was not something I was up for.

Well, within the last 24hours, I have had two people tell me something that really knocked me for a loop.

1. I can’t find another you. You have this thing that I can’t find in anyone else, and I can’t get past you.

2. How do you know your not my Ms. Right, when you gave up on me.

How is it I can have this effect and it be on two totally different people, and it still hit me like a damn ton of bricks. I am just a woman, and I am one woman who knows what she wants. I just can’t seem to grasp it.

What “thing” do I possess to make a man say those things? What is so special about me? I am far from beautiful. I am far from being perfect. I have many flaws. I am a needy attention whore. What about that makes me special?

So, after thinking about all of this, I realized that, what I am missing in my life, is that “relationship”. I want someone to tell me how wonderful I am, to smile at me in the morning and kiss me good night. To send me cute little messages all day on my facebook and myspace, and text me sweet nothings. I want to be wanted, and not from 800 miles away. I want someone I can see. Touch. Feel. Love. I may not get to see them every single day, but more than once a year would be great.

I think that this “smack in the face” knocked a bolt loose or something. I honestly don’t know. I know that if I were to stop looking, then fate would bring Mr. Right to me. I just think that if I stop looking, then I will miss him. So, there you have it peeps. I am in a place of turmoil, and it’s all because.. I gave up, and I am not replaceable.

I guess one day, Mr. Right will come to me, and sweep me off my feet. The question is, will I know it, and if so, will I be ready?

Till next time!

<3 Kitty