Archive for March, 2010

I have had the strangest occurrence ever…

I met this guy, well, when I say met, I mean talk.  He seems super sweet, and funny and makes me giggle and smile.  He seems to read me like a book, and we barely know each other.  I am in a spot… I am not sure where to go from here.  He lives in a different state, he and I have talked quite a bit.  So, let me get to the point here.

I am usually a person who gaurds my heart, well he is beating at those barriers.  It’s scary and yet oddly nice.  I don’t know what to think about it.  He seems like this incredible guy who is amazing to talk to, he causes me to open up more than I normally would with someone at this stage, and I am just wondering if I won’t step in and cause myself to get hurt and fail.  It’s strange…I mean yeah there have been other peeps in my life over the last 9 months or so, that I have let in, and talked to, and enjoyed just hanging out with.  But… when he leaves…I feel kinda lost and lonely, almost like he took a piece of me with him.  Which concerns me.  I haven’t felt this way since ‘He’ moved away.  I have been slowly getting over that empty space, and now..this wonderful Irish guy is slowly working his way into that place…trying to fill the void..and I may just let him… but I ask myself.  Is this just me filling that void, and if so, what good will it come to?  Is this my way of finally breaking free of the holds that were in place for sooo long, and my way of letting it all go finally?  Is it just me being me?

I sit here, and we text each other, and we talk on the phone, and he gives me that feeling in the pit of my stomach.  I smile when I think about his next text or our next phone call.  Yet, I wince, because I am scared I am setting myself up for pain, hurt, regret and a broken heart…yet again.

I guess the only thing to do, is to just go with the flow, see what transpires.  Maybe this is what I have been looking for, maybe this is my path?  I guess we will see.

Love, hugs and lots of kisses!!