Let’s wander down a path and enter into the mind of me…

I am one who loves unconditionally, and sometimes that interferes with the rest of my life.  I am one who understands her wants and needs, but can’t fulfill them.  I am one who is looking for more, and yet only wants less.  I have desires, they are hard to fulfill…I have dreams, they are unreachable.  I have what I have because I work hard and play hard.  I only want more…because everyone else has more?  I want someone in my life…this is true.  I am not willing to sacrifice 110% of my time for someone else right now though.  I have kids that demand at least 50% of my time.  I have family that demands at least another 10% of my time.  I have work that demands quite a bit of my time as well…Probably close to 30% of my time…So..that leaves 10% of my time I can dedicate to someone else…currently.  I have thought about this all day.  I want a relationship with someone…but how do I do that when…I don’t have time for them?  It’s not fair to them..or me…This breaks my heart to break this down and look at it.  Maybe he was right…I should just give up on dating…what with all the harbored feelings I have and with the fact that I don’t have time for anyone else in my life…

I will grow old…lonely and watching my grandkids…I guess that is what I am meant for…

What do I really want anyways?  I say I want a relationship…right?  So, what does this mean…and why do I really want one…if all it is going to do is cause heartbreak?  That is the way they always end…Broken and hurt and painful.  Why do we go through all the hell and turmoil?  Because we need someone to love?  Because we want that warm and fuzzy feeling when we kiss someone and know that they are meant for you?  Because, it is always told that the good guy always wins, and the girl in the story always gets her prince….

Fairytales and pish posh….that is what we grow up on…. Oh yeah, Cinderella got her prince and the kingdom..so did Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty…and you kiss a frog, and get your prince…and I could go on…  It’s amazing how we walk through life believing that ‘someday my prince will come’, and in the end you don’t get your prince…

I don’t want a prince…I just want a man who understands…I am shy and slow to warm up to him.  I am actually quite needy…lol…  I want someone who loves me inside and out..I have many faults and broken parts…LMAO…  I want someone who I don’t have to ask for flowers or some special card to brighten my day…he will just know.  I want someone who understands..I don’t like to be smothered….but I like attention.  I want a man who understands…I have kids..and they require a lot of my time…  I want a man who knows its not all about him…

Is that really to much to ask?  Apparently it is….

I don’t know anymore…I want to be the girl that gets the guy at the end of the story…and lives happily ever after…  I don’t want to be broken into pieces and left alone….

I think I have thoroughly just threw myself into a self induced flump zone….Oh well…

I will see you guys and gals on the flip side…