He came into my life, full of love and wonder.  He left my life, loved and wonderful.

When I first saw him, it was his eyes that gave it away.  The spirit, the playfulness, the energy, and the heart of a lion.  His orange and white fur drew me away from his eyes.  I picked him up, and held him close.  I said to the lady giving him away…”He’s a cute little squirt, ain’t he?”

That’s where it all began.  This neverending love for a furry little critter with four paws and wonderfully green eyes.  He was a free kitten that I saw an ad for.  I called the lady, and she said she had one left.  I told her I would come by and take a look.  He came to me…I didn’t come to him.  He picked me.  So, I took him home, and laid him on the bed with my husband, at the time.  See, Squirt was born on Christmas Day, and my husband and I were married in January, and I brought home our first furry little bundle of joy just a couple of weeks after we got married.  He was considered our first child.

He was all fluff and tuff from the moment we brought him home.  He loved to play with balled up paper, he would jump up into the air, catch the ball with all four paws, and then hit the floor and roll with it.  He did this cute little crab walk…he would puff up his fur and run sideways and backwards at the same time…rather cute and funny.

We moved out of our apartment and into a house with my husband’s Granny, and we had to have Squirt neutered and declawed.  Poor baby…He had his front paws all wrapped up.  Well, we stayed in the upstairs room of the house, and Squirt slept with us.  The first night after his declaw, he had to go potty, and his box was downstairs.  We woke up to this thump thump thump going down the stairs, I got up and carried him the rest of the way.  I left him downstairs thinking it would be easier for him…well tump thump thump back up the stairs he came.  He was such a playful and fun cat.  He grew older, and I got pregnant.  We weren’t quit sure how Squirt would adjust to the new baby.  Come to find out, they both got along.  When squirt was 6 and my son was about to be five, our daughter came into the picture.  Squirt adapted well to her too.  We tried to bring him a companion, and he just never really wanted it.  He lived with granny for a while while my husband and I tried to work out some differences.  I was away from him for almost two years.  In that time, he got a cyst on his ear, and after a vet visit, they drained it, and bandaged it, and well..it kinda shrunk down, and made him look like he only had one ear.  Poor baby.

After some time, the whole family came back together, with a new addition.  Buster.  Well, apparently this is what Squirt had been wanting.  They made fast friends, and Buster grew up, and learned the ways of Squirt.  After having Buster for a few months, my husband and I separated.  This time on a more permanent basis.  The kids and I welcomed my Mom into the house to help out, and she got attached to my furry little children as well.  We eventually moved into a bigger ans nicer apartment, and Squirt didn’t adjust as well.  He was going on 15 years old.  He was moving a little slower, and not putting on weight, he was losing weight.  I tried to put myself into a stage of denial that he wasn’t sick, and that he was going to be okay.  The day I filed for divorce, I had to put my first little furry child to sleep.  I loaded him up into his cat carrier, and drove the 20 minutes to a vet.  They asked if I wanted to stay with him…I said no.  To this day I regret that choice.  I should have stayed with him.  I should never have let him go alone…

I miss him so much.  It has been over a year, and I still think about him.  Buster misses him too.  I can tell, the way he still looks around expecting Squirt to jump out and play with him.

It’s amazing how we grow so attached to something that is not physically a part of us.  A child is made up of your DNA.  An animal is not, and yet we love them like we love our own children.

I watched Marley and Me tonight.  I sit here, 10 minutes after it’s over, and I am still crying.  That movie took me back to my time with Squirt and all the things I loved about him.

I miss him, and I wish I could go back and change the day I put him to sleep, so that I could have been there to hold his little furry paw, and look into his green eyes one last time, and tell him how much he changed my life and how much I loved him.