Good evening ya’ll…well I have been sitting around the past couple of weeks….and well, trying to get my mind off of love, and romance and all that hissy prissy ooshy gooshy stuff.  To no success…

So, I sit here tonight and I ponder one thing that I said this evening, that made me go…hmmmm…

“You’re hard to love.”  That was it.  How do you just up and tell someone that…well I did, and I surprised myself.  So, I came in here to go to bed…only to lay here and wonder…what did I mean by that?  What brought that to my mind?

A comment about love/hate relationship was made, and I was corrected that it might possibly be a hate/love relationship..LOL  So, you ask yourself is there really a difference?  Do you hate to love someone?  Do you love to hate someone?  Do you hate that you love someone?  Do you love that you hate to love someone?  I could go on….but the whole reason I am here, is because I said, “You’re hard to love”…and honestly..I have no clue what he said back..he could have told me that I had just won a million dollars..and I wouldn’t have heard him.  This really made me stop..I was playing a game and almost died…

So..what did I mean?  It could just be that I love him, and I feel like it is all for naught.  It could be that loving him is sooo easy and yet sooo hard, that the two intertwine and make it all seem harder than what it is?  I think I am confusing myself.  I sit here on odd days, and I try to figure out what it is about him…what makes him sooo what I think I want.  I mean hell there are other guys out there that have made their intentions known, and I just blow it off.  He is always at the forefront of my thoughts, always there.  So…what makes him so hard to love…the fact that he is half way across the US could be a good starting place.  Then fact that he has this barrier up, that makes it hard to get close, could be another factor.  I guess I can consider myself lucky….When he doesn’t want you around…you know it…LOL

I guess…this shocking revelation..made me a little more aware of what I am really feeling.  It’s all around me…Love, hate, hate, love…I am surrounded by it all…I love him…and at times I feel like I could hate him…but for some reason…love truly conquers all…

It amazes me…the way I feel… I know that one day it will either overflow and I will get it all back from him..or it will be taken away and I will recover…until then, I will wonder and hope, and eventually something will happen…

Love…

Hate….

Where will they take me next?????

Love conquers all…but hate will eat at you and destroy you..and you won’t even know it….

Good Night….