Evening ya’ll..

Well, I am laying here in bed…waiting for the tylenol pm to kick in.  It’s the only way I get any sleep on the weekends lately. 

So, I don’t really know what to write about this evening, just that I needed to.  I guess as my fingers find the right keys, something will fly off of them, and bring something to the written page…or something like that…right? 

I worry about a lot lately…I worry about the extra expenses, I am putting out.  I worry about the fact that my son may fail the 8th grade because of a state mandated test…I worry about my friends…my family…

I don’t worry about me though…is that normal?  I mean here it has been almost 2 years since I have been for a checkup at the doctor.  I am supposed to be going a lot more than that…I have a heart condition..mitral valve prolapse, and that isn’t such a bad thing…til you factor in the leaky valve…  So, I don’t really like going to the doctor all that much…cuz all they do is find something wrong with you.  Lately though, I haven’t been up to par…so I may need to try and get in to see the doctor…blech!

I feel all bland lately…like I am missing a whole lotta something…not someone…just something…I do the same things over and over.  I really need to change that up…I jsut don’t have the want to do it.  I don’t have the need to do it.  I think I am losing my mind.

Ever just have something that eats and eats at you…and you wanna know more…but you don’t wanna ask?  Ever just wanna scream out of frustration because it’s right there at your finger tips…but you just can’t reach it?  Ever just wanna say F*&K it  and go for it?  I can sit here, and go on and on and on….I have a lot of those lately… I have the ever justs and the what ifs and the well hells….  Been there a lot lately, I think it’s a mixture of sleep deprivation and when I do sleep the weird funky dreams I am having.  Like the cruise ship dream last night, and the naked man in my tub dream…that one was a quite bit entertaining…. he had a really cute butt…seemed like I had seen it before…….

Well…as I sit here and yawn…and feel the tylenol pm start to work…I wonder to myself…will this be another night of weird dreams…or will it be the nightmares as of late?  I hope that all of you, have a great and peaceful sleep…

Love,