It’s been a long week.  I am in a zone of…well…I don’t know.  You guys have been through this with me…

I have officially made a blogging list of songs.  The songs that help me to write.  Maybe it will help me with my stories…eventually I will get back to them.  I am also going to be updating my Kitty’s WoW page as well.  Stay tuned for that.

On another note, I am kinda flumpy.  I kinda hyped myself up to do something for my birthday…and I ain’t gonna be able to do it now   I guess I will just have to suffer through it…

Is it really sad, that I am sooo stuck?  I really don’t wanna go here tonight…but the kids are in bed….I am somewhat alone, except for the music and pleasant voice I hear every once in a while.  So…I need a good cry..I need to just let it go, can’t seem to make it happen.  I think I am worried, that if I start…I won’t stop.

I am just torturing myself…Over and over again.  What can you do?  Really?  I mean…Ugh… I think I should have gotten drunk tonight…and just passed out… I am sooo tired of the dreams…the thought that just burst through my defenses… I can’t stop it…I try…and I try…and I just can’t.  I want…. and I want….and I want….and I want!  My dad used to tell me,  “Want in one hand and poop in the other…see which one fills up first.”  Yeah…all you are left with is crap all over your hands, that you didn’t want in the first place…and what you wanted…well it’s long gone…to late…day late…dollar short…and so on and so forth.

I feel the tears…they are here…will they fall today?  I haven’t shed any since….

I was in the happy place for so long…today…I just feel…Beat down…  You guys know I use my blogs as therapy…hang in there…if you don’t wanna read..I am fine with that…this is my heart and soul open and bare… and some just can’t handle that.

Where am I going in this world?  I am in a job, where I talk on the phone all day.  I don’t have a degree, and I don’t know anything important.  Where am I going?  I wanna do something with my life, what kind of role model am I for my kids?  I am the one who got a GED, and sit and take phone calls all day long… and I expect them to graduate, and go to college, or go in the military…and do something with their lives…when I didn’t do anything with mine…. Yeah, I could go back to school…if I had the time and the money…

Geez…I guess it is beat up on Kitty blog…I should change the title…LOL

Well, I guess it’s just all the stuff going on…I have some extra stresses…I have wants and desires that I keep torturing myself with…I…am tired…I am not sleeping well, and when I do…well…the dreams come in…and torture me some more…

So, yeah…Pity Party for one…

I need chocolate and a good strong drink….

I hope ya’ll have a great day!