Well, it’s been an interesting week this week so far…..

I have had my mental capacities and my emotional capacities stretched…and well I went off…

Yep…I did, and I feel a little better for it…kinda…it is still a little irritating when I think about it…but oh well, what can ya do…

So, I sit here, and I wonder will this week get better, or am I in for one of those shocking moments that will piss me off?  I hate waiting for stuff to happen, when you know that it’s supposed to, and it doesn’t…that is quite irritating…but I will just continue to hold my breath, and wait.

Cryptic much?  Yep, I am tonight

On another note…I have been feeling kinda ballsy lately, and scared to death that I might actually overstep my boundaries.  This could be bad…this could also be good.  But you know me, I won’t say anything about anything, if I feel like it will hurt me in the end…so…ballsy or not, I will avoid the subjects that I really wanna talk about, because…it was pointed out to me…it ‘embarrasses’ me.  It’s not embarrassment, it’s the fear of rejection and hearing the things I don’t want to hear…If I broach the subject, then I have to deal with whatever is said, and I can’t handle the negativity that may come from it….So..I avoid it..as much as possible….

Yeah…that doesn’t sound nice at all…I really shouldn’t avoid anything…that just causes bad things to happen in the end…I should have learned from this…from previous avoidances…one day I will learn three things…

1. Don’t argue with him…LOL

2. Don’t avoid the stuff you know you will have to face one day…

3. Love is what it is…and can’t be changed…no matter how hard you try…

So, that being said….

I think that I will eventually broach the subject with him, and see if he can talk to me about it, without changing the subject, and me get through it without stammering and stuttering..so that I can actually put it all out there, and learn for better or worse…what I need to know…

I know deep inside what will be said…but I just can’t bring myself to accept it…til I hear it…I think that is why I avoid it.  Maybe, I am wrong…I don’t think so though…There are so many things that work against me, with this…Time, Distance, and well ….his heart…

Oh well, I guess I should probably just go to bed…so that I don’t start crying thinking about all the things I want to hear and never will….

So, I put it out here…for all to see…and hopefully I will learn from it as well…when I look back on it all…

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty