Wow….It’s amazing how someone can just tell you how you felt.  Like they were there inside your head and heart!

How can someone just come out and say they know that it wasn’t love back then…that it was just for the ‘great sex’…  Honey, I don’t know what love is to you, but when I love, it isn’t because the sex was great…it isn’t because it was ‘convenient’.  In my case, it was because I actually loved you.  Key word there is LOVED!  Geez…I want to try and stay civil and be friends…you know this…and yet, you sit there and tell me how I felt.  All because you think that I love him more, than I ever loved you.  Well, so what!  Maybe I do…why does it matter?

I loved you then…I love him now…People change, we grow up, we grow out of the past loves, and into new loves.  Some people are lucky enough to actually love one person for all of their relationship and life together.  Some people are lucky enough to experience that love that just strikes them from above and nothing else matters.

I can’t say that it hurts me to hear you say that you didn’t think I loved you.  It angers me to hear it, because it makes it seem like that was what it was for you.  I spent 16 years of my life with you, completely and utterly devoted to making you as happy as I possibly could, and trying to make ends meet, and to keep the kids as happy as possible.  And you sit there and say that I was in it just for the great sex, when that’s what I think it was for you….

So, go ahead and believe what you will, and say what you will.  Only I know how I really felt, you weren’t there in my head, or in my heart…while I lay there night after night after you left, trying to figure out why my love failed on you…you weren’t there to watch me cry myself to sleep, and to curl myself into a ball, and wonder what SHE had that I didn’t.  You weren’t there while I slumped into the nether regions of hell.  Yeah…I didn’t love you at all…

Kitty