Number 1

He walked up to me, put his strong arms around me, kissed me softly, and told me it was all going to be okay. I told him, I wasn’t sure if it really would be okay…He said, as long as you keep me in here, and pointed at my heart, I will be okay. Nothing can break me, when your not here. Kissed me softly one more time, then turned and walked away.

Number 2

What are we doing here? Why isn’t he here like he is supposed to be. I feel his presence, I don’t see him.

I feel a soft pressure on my shoulder, I turn and there he is, blue eyes shining. He walks across the room, and whispers that I can’t possibly feel the way I do. I look at him, and see a strange look come across those eyes, his frown deepens. I wonder aimlessly through a fog, searching for him.

Number 3

There he is…laughing. I watch from distance…he looks over his shoulder with a puzzled look. I smile deep inside, he can’t see me. I float away on a breeze….

Number 4

He shouts at me in a deep voice. Get over it, he says, and walks away. I stare after him. He turns, and sees the tears shining in my eyes. Comes back to me, and puts his arms around me, kisses the tears away. He says he is sorry, and doesn’t really want to hurt me, but it’s just better this way. I try to tell him…try…he just looks at me with those eyes…smiles softly. It’ll only hurt for a minute, then the pain will go away. I told him…it will hurt forever, and the pain will always be there. If he really wants it this way, then he can have it, but I would rather not. He hugs me gently, and tells me that I will be okay…he is just a memory…..

Number 5

I lay there giggling, his fingers running over my ribs, finding the little ticklish spots. I smile up at him, he smiles back. This is how it should have been, he says. Kissed me deeply….and the rest was history.

We lay there quietly, I can hear his breathing. I feel his heartbeat in his chest. His fingers play softly in my hair. This is how it could have been.

Number 6

I sit there on the floor, looking across the room at him on the other side. I can help you, you know that…I ask him. He says he knows that. We all would help. He nods. Why won’t you? He tells me that he has to many responsibilities to just up and go. But we miss you, and we love you, I respond with tears stinging my eyes. I know, he says. But there is nothing that I can do. It’s just isn’t meant to be.

There are boxes everywhere. I thought you had responsibilities…I ask. I do, this isn’t for that. This is for me. Not for you, not for them. I have to do this to move on, I have to do this…there is no other choice. The tears sting my eyes again.

I am running up a circular flight of stairs. I have to help him, I yell. No, you can’t she yells back, it isn’t your place, your not the one to do it. But I helped before, he needs to know I will be there. She yells back…Not this time…It’s not your time to help. I have to help him, I yell back…I love him! She tells me she knows….but it just isn’t the right time or place for it now. I run into a brick wall.

This is a glimpse into my dreams….they have been insane the past couple of weeks. I have alot of stuff on my mind…as you can tell. These are the ones I remember…there are others…others that caused me to wake in a cold sweat…I don’t remember them….I wish I could…

So…yeah…if that doesn’t make you think, I don’t know what will….

I can read them clearly, I don’t want to read them…most of them say the things I don’t want to hear… Maybe I need to look at them like someone looking in at them, instead of seeing them through my eyes.

It’s clear, my subconscious is telling me to give up. It’s just not that easy….

The core of my being wants it to be all hugs and kisses with a fairy tale ending where, I get the prince and live happily ever after. My mind sees the truth behind it all, and questions it.

Of course all girls believe in happily ever after, and all girls believe that when they find their love, it finds them right back. It’s not always that easy…sometimes the prince may not want to be in that fairy tale ending.

I am kinda freaking myself out right now…it’s weird. I am seeing more when I write it down, than when I saw it in my sleep. What do I do from here. Do I continue to wait? Do I continue to wonder? Do I try to suck it up and look to something else? I really don’t want to. I have had 3 guys over the past 6 weeks ask me out. I told them no…why…because I just don’t want to. I have no want of anyone else….

Funny how that happens…right?

Well, I am off to bed…Ya’ll have a good night.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty