Archive for April, 2009

So, this has been a crazy week. I am tired, but not sleepy. I am stressed, but nothing I can’t handle or deal with, as I normally do. I am frustrated, but hey what’s new? You guys and gals, that read these, have seen the many sides of me, and the many moods. I have gone from angry to happy to sad to forgotten. I range through all the emotions. Lately, I am a little confused at how I feel. The normal feelings are there, but they are intermixed with this other feeling, I can’t quite identify. It’s a little bit happy and optomistic, and yet estranged and lacking in exuberance. Could it be acceptance? Could it be full blown ‘whatever’ syndrome? I haven’t been in a really sad place in a while. I have been up here *raises hand up to eye level* and it seems to be sticking. many of my friends would look at me, and ask…are you on drugs??

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This is my main toon on World of Warcraft. I have become addicted to this game ever soooo slowly It really is a fun game, and allows for great social encounters.
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Evening all!

Well, sitting here at work, and figured I would just pass the time…

So, I finished reading a book the other day, it’s called The Shack. It’s an incredible book, and really opened up my eyes, and enlightened me. It was pointed out to me by a friend, and my aunt gave me a copy, so I figured this was a way for Him to tell me I needed to read it. And WOW, it was amazing. I won’t go into details, but if you have ever had a time when you thought that God had abandoned you, this book will help you through that. So, if you get the oppurtunity, give it a try, it really is an awesome book .

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Or…. “I blog therefore I am” LOL…  So I got this shirt for Christmas or a birthday, I don’t remember..LOL

I truly love this shirt!  It causes people to stop and look, and be like…WTH?  So, I figured I would talk about blogging for a change…in my blog….hmmm…

So, I blog, because I can share with you my feelings and thoughts, emotions, dreams, longings and my heart

I love writing, and if I couldn’t write, I might possibly go insane!  I am a creative being and love to share my creativity with the world!!  I really wish I had more people reading my blogs and telling me how uber crazy I am….

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Evening ya’ll

Just sitting here, listening to Sugarland “What I’d Give”, and thinking about… Mmmm

I am sooo in a strange place today.  I feel so…I don’t know…

My mind has been on him lately…alot…I think that’s why I ain’t sleeping…cuz my mind is wandering back… I think about it all, and I just have to sigh… Love makes us do some things that sometimes, we just look back on, and say…Wow…can I do that again..

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So, I love the band Sugarland! Jennifer Nettles is awesome, and has such a fantastic voice. Most of their songs bring to mind someone in my life this one is one of those…It reminds me of him…sometimes….:) Especially so over the past couple of weeks…

Always end up right where we start
Cause I got time on my hands and hope in my heart
We both understand we weren’t meant to be apart

April showers bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
Cause love leaves an open door

If I had one wish I’d wish for two
One for me, baby, and one for you
And it would find you right where you are
With time on your hands and hope in your heart
We both understand we were written in the stars

April showers bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
Cause love leaves an open door

It’s worth all the cost
Till I find what I lost in your eyes
And you realize

April showers bring May flowers
I have seen rain before
But if Sunday morning lets that sun in
What are we waiting for
Cause love leaves an open
Wishing and hoping
Love leaves an open

So…this week has been testy and trying…

Started off in a bad way….and just kinda kept riding that train of bad mood…I dealt with alot of stress this weekend…slept like crap…and well…just in a pissy mood.  I know that I came off pissy to quite a few people.  I am not going to apologize for it either.  Some of it was pent up and needed to be put out there… I am tired of being the one who just sloughs it all off, and the “it will fix itself’ girl.  The one who just stands around and doesn’t get mad or angry.

I have feelings and emotions…believe it or not…some of them are angry ones….

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I just want to look into your eyes

I just want to feel your touch

I want to hear you sigh

As I look deep into your eyes

What holds us apart

Could bring us together

What holds us together

Could tear us apart

I just want to look into your eyes

I want to see myself there

I just want to look into your eyes

I want to feel you there

At my side

Through Time, Space, and Life

I want you there

Through heaven and hell

I want you there

I want to look into your eyes….

And see us…

Well, it’s been an interesting week this week so far…..

I have had my mental capacities and my emotional capacities stretched…and well I went off…

Yep…I did, and I feel a little better for it…kinda…it is still a little irritating when I think about it…but oh well, what can ya do…

So, I sit here, and I wonder will this week get better, or am I in for one of those shocking moments that will piss me off?  I hate waiting for stuff to happen, when you know that it’s supposed to, and it doesn’t…that is quite irritating…but I will just continue to hold my breath, and wait.

Cryptic much?  Yep, I am tonight

On another note…I have been feeling kinda ballsy lately, and scared to death that I might actually overstep my boundaries.  This could be bad…this could also be good.  But you know me, I won’t say anything about anything, if I feel like it will hurt me in the end…so…ballsy or not, I will avoid the subjects that I really wanna talk about, because…it was pointed out to me…it ‘embarrasses’ me.  It’s not embarrassment, it’s the fear of rejection and hearing the things I don’t want to hear…If I broach the subject, then I have to deal with whatever is said, and I can’t handle the negativity that may come from it….So..I avoid it..as much as possible….

Yeah…that doesn’t sound nice at all…I really shouldn’t avoid anything…that just causes bad things to happen in the end…I should have learned from this…from previous avoidances…one day I will learn three things…

1. Don’t argue with him…LOL

2. Don’t avoid the stuff you know you will have to face one day…

3. Love is what it is…and can’t be changed…no matter how hard you try…

So, that being said….

I think that I will eventually broach the subject with him, and see if he can talk to me about it, without changing the subject, and me get through it without stammering and stuttering..so that I can actually put it all out there, and learn for better or worse…what I need to know…

I know deep inside what will be said…but I just can’t bring myself to accept it…til I hear it…I think that is why I avoid it.  Maybe, I am wrong…I don’t think so though…There are so many things that work against me, with this…Time, Distance, and well ….his heart…

Oh well, I guess I should probably just go to bed…so that I don’t start crying thinking about all the things I want to hear and never will….

So, I put it out here…for all to see…and hopefully I will learn from it as well…when I look back on it all…

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

This is a soulful bluesy song by Sugarland….makes you wanna just….mmmm

What I’d give to bring you flowers.
What I’d give to get you alone.
What I’d give to bring a smile across your face.
What I’d give to take you home.
What I’d give to make you coffee.
Find out how you like your eggs.
Wrapped around you in the mornin’.
A tangled lace of arms and legs.

What I’d give to let you love me.
Find out everything that brings you joy.
Wake up to your face above me.
I’d be that girl and you could be that boy.
Find out why that feelin’ is…
Oh, what I’d give. What I’d give.

What I’d give to take you dancin’.
What I’d give to make you mine.
If you got questions, I got answers.
And my answer’s “yes” to you every time.
What I’d give for just one minute.
What I’d give to count all the ways
If your heart was dark with nothing in it.
I’d give you mine and take your place.

What I’d give to let you love me.
Find out everything that brings you joy.
Wake up to your face above me.
I’d be that girl and you could be that boy.
Find out why that feelin’ is…
Oh, what I’d give. What I’d give.