First of all…I screwed up the title…LMAO

Should be…No Idea where this might go…I wonder if that is a preemptive mistake…LOL

So…sitting here at work….Thinking…which is always dangerous. Lately it seems that the things that I want…keeping moving further and further out of my grasp. Things keep coming in and blocking the way. I am frustrated by this, and confused as well. I don’t know how to fully explain it….

Maybe this is a test? Maybe my will and strength are being tested? Maybe it is my patience being tested? I don’t really know… I have always hated tests. All through school, work, the doctor…never fails a test of any kind and I get all kinds of nervous, and butterflies, and chewing on my pinkie…..That is just about where I am these days. With all the insanity that has been swirling around me. From stress from work, to stress of dealing with stuff I realy shouldn’t have to…to the worry I have for loved ones. I try to help when and where I can. I try to carry myself through it all. I am exploring my renewed faith and trying to keep myself on that plateau. It is hard with all the things that have been thrown at me lately. Where do I turn to, I talk to God, and I pray, and I pray…sometimes though. I think I need someone physical to talk to and share with. I have someone like that, but she is moving away soon. Then what? I am kinda lost in this renewed faith and I feel like I am missing an integral part of something. Again, is this a test? I wish I knew….

I have all sorts of things that run through my mind on a daily basis. Most of the time, it is a thought that is brought on by something I hear, be it a song, a commercial, or even a coworker. My mind drifts off into a nether region of thought, anxiety, purpose, hope, dreams, and of course the bitter reality of things. That is a strange way to look at it, but sometimes…you can’t help but look at all aspects. I am a dreamer…I love my imagination and I use it alot. I have tons of dreams I want to come true, they vary from my kids going to a nice college and living a good life to being with the man I love. In between there are the dreams of winning the lottery, and owning my dream car, and going on that perfect vacation. In the end though, we have to face the reality. That is the part I don’t enjoy. I guess no one really enjoys it…right…LOL I have placed myself in a state of mind that one day my prince will come and my dreams will come true….It may be 20 years from now, and he will ride up in the car of my dreams and take me off into the sunset….but someday it will happen…..

So, again…I have no idea where this might go….Apparently I needed to talk about dreams and wants, and needs and faith and hope…and love…yep it’s in there…somewhere…I have come to accept that love is here…we all share it with everyone…and that sometimes it comes back in ways you never expected. Not everyone admits it….but they all share it…

I leave you tonight with a smile on my face, a song in my heart, and a tear in my eye.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty