Archive for December, 2008

Reflections…..

We all look in the mirror and see who we are on the outside, all our little imperfections we want to change, all the small things that make us who we are. We look in the mirror and we see our reflection.

Reflections…..

We look back at our life and we look through all the things we have done and all the things we had. At the end of every year, I go through this period of reflection. I look at me in the mirror, and I think to myself…I need to color my hair, my grey is showing. I need to smile more, I am getting frown lines..LOL…I need to start doing more physical activity, lose some of this fat. Then I look deeper. I need to smile more, it really isn’t all that bad. I need to open up my heart and mind more, it may help in future relationships. I need to explore the world more, knowledge is power. I need to move on from those things that stop me.

Reflections….

I see me, I see me and all of my imperfections. I see all of the things that I need to change. I see all of the things that make me beautiful. My eyes, my warmth, my ability to love so willingly. I see the good in me, and my ability to see the good in others. I see the love for my children and my family and the ability to let that feeling grow and expand. I see the changes my life has already taken and those effects it has had. My divorce was a huge change, and one I am still adjusting to. It changes the way you look at life. It changes how you feel about relationships, it changes how you look at your children. Your priorities change. I think more about my children now than I did before…is that bad? Everything I do, I think about the consequences it has toward my children now more than ever. It’s amazing, because when you become a single parent…everything changes. Yes, he is still in their life, but not on a regular basis. Everything I do….It all affects them. If I call in sick and don’t get paid for that day…it affects them. If I decide to date someone, it affects them. If I lose my job, car, or whatever, it affects them. They are my reason for doing everything I do. The reason I work 90+ hours when I can. The reason I want to get a better car, so I know that they are safe when I am driving them around. The reason I want a house, so they can play and run and jump, and not tick the neighbors off downstairs!! They are my reason….

Reflections….

I have reflected on my past and present life over the last few days. I have had the time to do it… What conclusion do I come to? Keep on working for my kids…I am their support beam, I am the one that can make their dreams come true…It may be hard and I may struggle, but it is for them.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

I had a dream last night…

You were there with me…

It was like I had imagined it would be….

I had a dream last night…

We were together in one place at one time…

I was yours and you were mine…

I had a dream last night…

We held each other close and kissed so softly…

I believed that u + me = we…

I had a dream last night…

Nothing in the world could come between us

Nothing in the world would tear us apart

Nothing in the world would take us under

Nothing in the world woud break our hearts….

I had a dream last night…

I guess that is why they call it a dream…

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Just One more moment, that’s all that’s needed.

Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.

Time to be honest, this time I’m bleeding

Please don’t dwell on it, cause I didn’t mean it

I cant believe I said I’d lay our love on the ground

But it doesn’t matter cause I’ve made it up forgive me now

Everyday I spend away my souls inside out

Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you’d know that I’d come for you

No one but you, yes I’d come for you

But only if you told me to

And I’d fight for you

I’d lie, it’s true

Give my life for you

You know I’d always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I’m seeing

My mind was closing, now I’m believing

I finally know what just what it means to let someone in

To see the side of me that no one does or ever will

So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone

I’d search forever just to bring you home,

Here and now this I vow

By now you’d know that I’d come for you

No one but you, yes I’d come for you

But only if you told me to

And I’d fight for you

I’d lie, it’s true

Give my life for you

You know I’d always come for you

You know I’d always come for you

Yes I’d come for you, no one but you,

Yes I’d come for you

But only if you told me to

And I’d fight for you

I’d lie, it’s true

Give my life for you

You know I’d always come for you

No matter what gets in my way

As long as there’s still life in me

No matter what, remember you know I’ll always come for you

I’d crawl across this world for you

Do anything you want me to

No matter what, remember you know I’ll always come for you

You know I’ll always come for you

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Okay, so I am a fan of Nickelback…some of you may hiss and boo at this…but I love their music. I have the new album Darkhorse, and it rocks. The song below makes me get all mushy inside. I want to scream this at the top of my lungs to the people I care about…LOL But, that just wouldn’t be prudent now would it…LOL

So, here ya go….Take a look at the lyrics, and if you haven’t listened to the song…take a listen to it when you can…it’s a really good one!!

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I’m starting to regret not spending all of here with you.

Now I’m, wondering why, I’ve kept this bottled inside,

So I’m starting to regret not selling all of it to you.

So if I haven’t yet, I’ve gotta let you know…

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won’t let you fall…

Never gonna be alone!

I’ll hold you ’til the hurt is gone.

And now, as long as I can, I’m holding on with both hands,

‘Cause forever I believe that there’s nothing I could need but you,

So if I haven’t yet, I’ve gotta let you know…

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won’t let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We’re gonna see the world out,

I’ll hold you ’til the hurt is gone.

Oh!

You’ve gotta live every single day,

Like it’s the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Don’t let it slip away,

Could be our only one, you know it’s only just begun.

Every single day,

Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?

Tomorrow never comes…

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,

And I’m starting to regret not telling all of this to you.

So if I haven’t yet, I’ve gotta let you know…

Never gonna be alone!

From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,

I won’t let you fall.

When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.

We’re gonna see the world out,

I’ll hold you ’til the hurt is gone.

I’m gonna be there always,

I won’t be missing a word all day,

I’m gonna be there always,

I won’t be missing a word all day.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Good Morning!!

Well, Christmas is around the corner, and I am sooo not looking forward to it. The kids are asking for so much, and I am going to have to deal with broken hearts on Christmas morning. My daughter expects a Wii, and a video camera…I am like…Santa isn’t made of money. Her response, Santa can do anything, he is magic….So I sigh and just brace myself for impact.

I think this time next year will be different. I can hope anyway. I have a raise coming over the next year, and I am hopefully going to be better financially. Maybe even in a house….I can hope can’t I? LOL

This year hasn’t been the greatest year of my life. Alot of craziness has gone on, and changes, that I am still adjusting to. So…all in all…I think I am on the upfill run..,.for hopefully some stability!! YAY!!

Okay ya’ll hate to cut it short…but gotta get back to work!!

Have a good one!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

So, I was driving home last night…and had a bout of emotional drainage. What you may ask is ‘emotional drainage’? Well, I kinda look at it like this.

You get a cold and your head gets all stopped up, well sometimes you have to blow your nose, cuz it will get runny, or you get drainage down the back of your throat that causes irritation…we have all been here…right?

Well, emotional drainage, is where you hold things in, or you push things away and deny those things. It’s where you just bottle up, or avoid the emotional aspects of life as much as possible. Well sometimes, if you don’t get the oppurtunity to relieve some of that emotional pressure, you get emotional drainage, which causes your eyes to leak.

In laymans terms….I cried on the way home last night. I was driving along…and I had one of those thoughts that cross your mind. And the tears started flowing…

I really wish I could prevent these things in critical circumstances like driving…but I think its the fact that on the way to and from work…I am truly all alone and have the time to think. Which I have determined can be bad. I think that is the reason I try to talk to people on the way home. I don’t have to face the thoughts that are rolling around in my head, and if I am talking to someone, then I am not thinking about those things that make me cry….Make sense?

Well, I guess I need to just try to prime emotions to let loose on a more convenient time period. Like at home in bed…when tears that blur my vision won’t cause me to wreck.

Well, as usual, thanks for hanging in there and reading. If you ever want to comment…shoot me an email! Kittyteaser@kittyteaser.org

Hugs and kisses,

Kitty

Ever just lay there…and think?

The past few nights have been hell…I lay there, and I toss and turn…just thinking. I think about one thing mostly. Which….yes…is …a …little…wrong??? LOL So, I try to get my mind diverted from that, and it just rounds back to that one thing. So! I have given up. Let my mind go to just this one thing. What harm will it come to? I mean a thought is just a thought…right. It will never come to fruition. As long as it stays between my ears…..

Thinking is dangerous….

My mind wanders at the most inopportune times. At work….on the phone…driving home…trying to sleep. The wheels in my mind are constantly moving…which I think is why I blog so much…scary isn’t it? Wanna know what makes it worse? When I listen to a song, and it gets my mind to winding, and I think about all the things that one song could possibly mean to any number of people. There is a song by the PussyCat Dolls…called Halo. This song brings out a crazy thing in me. There is one line that really just stands out above all the rest. “I’m not a Super Hero, sorry I couldn’t save the day” Everytime I hear that I think about all the things I couldn’t do to make it all better. In so many ways. In my life, your life, his life, her life, their life. I want nothing more than for my friends and family to be happy. I really wish I had that power. Unfortunately I don’t…

Yeah…thinking is dangerous….

It’s rewarding too….Look at all the things that thought can bring…

I will let you think on that a little while.

I am off to bed.

Off to think, cry, dream, live, laugh and love from afar….

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty