It breaks my heart that I even have to write this. I grew up without my biological father in my life. I had a step dad in my life from about the age of 4. He was more of a dad to me than my father was. I talk to my father about 4-5 times a year…he is an alcoholic and is slowly dieing. My step dad I see on holidays, we talk as often as we can, and if I need something, he will try his damnedest to help me.

I have to say that my step dad was an important part of my life, and that my real dad…was always in the background until about 14 years ago. He still is in the background…why? Because he never made that effort.

Why am I writing about my ‘dads’. Well, I am seeing some heartache in my little girl. Her dad is so important to her. She always asks to call and talk to him. She always wants to tell him about her day. When he comes in for the weekends…she always asks, if she is going to be able to go see Dad. This is where the hard part comes in.

Most weekends when he comes into town, he has plans. He has something he is doing with friends, or he is going here…or going there. He will ‘try’ to come by and see the kids. He usually tries to call once a week and talk to the kids. He will call and talk to my son…for 30 minutes or an hour…my daughter…5 minutes on a good day. He will bring my son stuff, she doesn’t get anything. She asked me this last weekend…”Does Daddy love Andy more than me, he always gets stuff and gets to talk to Dad all the time.” What do you say to that? How do you sit there and tell her, yes he loves you just as much. When she looks up at you with those big blue eyes, and all you see is pain and hurt.

I really don’t know what to do here. I have tried talking to him, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. I ask him…when you call…talk to Ezri for a while…she misses you.

It breaks my heart…to think that she will grow up resenting her father the way I resent mine…because he wasn’t there when I needed him. He didn’t walk me down the aisle when I got married, he wasn’t there when my children were born. What about all the birthdays and Holidays he missed? I don’t want to see my daughter go through all the pain and anguish I went through.

I normally try not to talk about my kids on here….but this has just been eating at me. I don’t know what to do. So, I sit here, with tears flowing and fingers running across the keys…trying not to be the bitchy person I can be.

I believe inside that he is a good person. That he will make the right choices. That he will step up and be the Dad he is meant to be…

I believe…..

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty