Archive for September, 2008

Wow, it’s amazing.

You think that someone walks out of your life. You think that you have pushed them away from you, because of actions that were taken. Then one day, they walk back into your life in a weird way, and then you get a call, and it’s like old times. You talk, and you realize how much you missed this person. So much that it brings tears to your eyes. You bring up all the stuff that has happened, and you just remember how much you missed them. How much you needed them there, when you were going through one of those tough times, that just sets your mind back. How much they meant to you, when they were gone. Yeah, you were angry to begin with, but then there was worry, and then there was the missing. MIssing the goofy things that were said, and done. Missing the times you hung out. It is just amazing how when you let someone walk away, and then come back and affect the way you feel all over again.

Thanks for giving me the chance to be your friend again. I have missed you!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

She knows…..

The valley gave….

How could it….

I will take….

The pain shot through my eyes when I tried to open them. The pain was so intense. I thought I heard someone, but I couldn’t be sure, just a mumble here and there. I thought it was Lucas, but how could that be? The pain flashed again as I tried to open my eyes….back into the blackness.

“She couldn’t possibly know, it’s not possible.” A pause. “Yes, I gave her the full strength. No. No. No. I gave her the full strength. No, I will make sure of it, we will meet up later. She is stirring.” A beep, then the clap of a cell phone shutting.

My head felt heavy, very heavy, almost like it was tied down. It hurt to move my eyes, behind the closed lids. My arms felt like lead weights, my legs were tingling, like they were asleep. All I could do was lay there, and try to be as still as possible. I heard a shuffle of footsteps, and a swish of cotton on cotton as the owner of the voice moved away. I heard a door open, then close, and the rattle of a key in the lock. I took a deep breath, and this made my head spin and my stomach churn. How long had I been out? What the hell happened? I was talking to Lucas, and then there was nothing but blackness. I searched back through all that had happened. I remember him coming through the door of my cabin in the mountains. Then I remember looking up at him from the floor, then blackness. I feel like I am missing something.

After lying still for a while, and taking slow deep breaths, I was able to open my eyes a sliver. It was dark in the room, not my room, though. I saw a glint of silver to my left, as a very small amount of light came from somewhere behind my head. It hurt to try and turn my head, wincing, I tried anyways. I opened my eyes a little more, and saw an IV pole with an IV bag of milky white fluid attached to it. Okay, so maybe I was in a hospital, but why would they lock me in? I tried to move my arms, and felt a resistance. I moved my head to try and see what that resistance might be. It looks as though my arms are tied to the bed rails. I was covered with a white sheet from my chest down with my arms strapped to the bedrails on top of the sheet. I could see a little clearer as my eyes let in what little light they could from the source behind my head. I couldn’t see anything past the bed I was in.

There was a rattle of a key again, and the door swished open. I heard the sound of cotton on cotton again, and the sound of soft shoes on tile. Then the voice spoke again. “Ahhhhh, you are awake, I was worried there for a second. I thought I might have given you too much. I hope the pain isn’t too bad, that formula can cause intense pain on the wake up. The paralysis will wear off shortly. Don’t try to speak either, your vocal cords were paralyzed as well. Hang in there kid! You will be through this in no time.”

At that, he left again. I felt a dizzy sensation, and my body began to relax, and my eyes closed shut again, seemingly against my will. Damnit, he gave me something in that damned IV. I tried to fight it, but it won in the end. I closed my eyes, and drifted off to sleep.

I walked along a sidewalk with daisies on either side of it. Lucas was there with me. He was holding my hand, and telling me all the things we were going to do together. I tried to tell him how excited I was, but I couldn’t seem to communicate to him. He walked faster and faster, then he started running, and ran faster and faster away from me. I couldn’t reach for him, my arms were strapped to my body, my mouth gagged, and my feet tied together. He ran from me, like I was some sort of monster.

My eyes shot open. I was in a white room, on a padded floor, nothing but white cotton pants and a white cotton t shirt on. There was a chair in the middle of the room. In that chair sat Lucas. He looked at me, then began to speak.

“Ms. Rayburn, so glad you could join me. I am Dr. Wilkinson. Do you know where you are?” He looked at me with those blue eyes. Smiled nonchalantly. Then I told him what he wanted to hear. I had played this game before.

“Dr. Wilkinson, I am in the psychiatric hospital in Bayview. I have been here since I killed my husband in the fire. I told the authorities that I killed him, because he was lying to me about his work. I hate it when people lie to me. So, I tied him to the bed, and covered him in gasoline, and lit him up with his own lighter. The flames were beautiful that night. Prettiest I have ever seen. They brought me here, and have been doing experiments on me to determine what went wrong and why I snapped. They don’t believe me that the dreams told me to do it. It was always in the dreams. I had to kill him. If I didn’t, he would have made it all the way. Then what?”

“Ms. Rayburn, I know that you know that isn’t true. That this is the game you enjoy playing. Now, tell me the real truth.”

The blackness over came me again……

(to be continued)

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I paced back and forth across the room, running my hands through my hair, and opening and closing my mouth. Lucas sat on the couch, he would try to say something, and all I could do was raise my hand to stop him. Each time I looked at him, I saw the past. I saw our first kiss in the high school bleachers, the way he pushed my red hair out of his way to look into my eyes. I saw the rain on our wedding day, and the dance we shared as it poured down over us. I saw the hurt in his eyes, when we got the news that the baby was stillborn. I saw the pain that he felt when I told him, there would be no way we could ever have babies. I saw his determination to go up the ranks in his career. I saw this every time I looked at him. It was like a waking dream. Yet he sat there on my couch, watching me pace around like a caged lion.

“Sam, you are going to walk a hole in the floor.” Lucas looked at me, and I stopped. My heart was racing, my breath was even though. I reached out for his hand, he took mine. I trembled slightly. I looked at him, in a different light, through different eyes. Not the eyes of the woman who loved him, but through the eyes of the woman who hated him. I hated him for leaving me. I hated him for not being here this past year. I hated him for coming back to me now, when I had already moved forward.

“Lucas Ray Wilkinson! What the hell is going on?!? You tell me you shook some strangers hand and wound up in a white padded room, in the middle of a lush valley with a metal chair in it, with nothing but glorified pajamas on, and expect me to believe it. You walked out on me, you walked away, and you didn’t come back. I thought you were dead, at the bottom of the bay. I mourned you for the last 12 months. I burned our damned house to the ground, and they still wouldn’t put me away!! I walked away from the fantastic life I had, and squirreled myself away here in a log cabin in the mountains. MOUNTAINS!! You know I hate mountains!! Why? Why? Why?” I was screaming as loud as I possibly could. It felt good. Lucas just stood there, with this stunned look on his face.

“How did you know it was in a lush valley?” That stopped me cold in my tracks.

“What? What do you mean?”

“You said that I was in a white padded room in a lush valley. I never told you that. How did you know?”

I stammered, and sputtered a little. “I had a dream about it last night. It was a glass room, though. I had to use the chair to break out. You were in the valley below me. You kept trying to get me to come to you. I couldn’t reach you.” The tears flowed from my eyes. I sat down right where I was, in the middle of the living room floor. I looked up at Lucas, he stared back at me.

That’s when the pain hit me. It was sharp and intense, right through the temple. It felt like a piece of frozen steel being shoved through the side of my head. I screamed. My eyes bulged. Then blackness.

(to be continued)

Good Afternoon readers….LMAO

Well I have to say, I had an interesting night last night. Met up with a friend, had some food at Gameworkz in Grapevine Mills, then drove all the way across the metroplex, to play some pool, which was fun..I kicked his ass several times !! Then we went back to Grapevine Mills and sat in the parking lot til 330 this morning, talking. I really opened up to him, which is quite unusual for me. We talked about EVERYTHING!! I told him things, I haven’t told anyone!! It was nice to just sit and have a conversation and just hang out. A refreshing change. It wasn’t all about him, it wasn’t just about this or that…we covered the gambit, from cars, to past relationships, to damn near anything you could think of.

I enjoyed it, and would do it again. Well, just thought I would share

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Almost a midnight rambling…..

I feel like crying. I keep torturing myself…don’t know why! Oh well, I guess all we can do, is sigh and let it roll over us…right? It’s been so crazy lately…I am in the middle of emotional hell. From seeing and reading things I don’t know if I really want to or not…to just listening to songs that make your heart skip a beat…to racing…to breaking…

Yeah, like I said…rambling…I think my emotions have run the gambit today…From a hellacious commute, to some fun stuff to nervousness, to some happy music on the way home…to having fun playing a game…to missing someone…to here…somewhere in the middle of it all. It’s tough, I should be sleeping, but after the crazy dreams I had last night….I just don’t know if I want to go to sleep…Oh well…only thing that can happen, is I toss and turn again.

Okay…so I need to try and get myself into a sleep mode. Ya’ll have a good day tomorrow.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty