I discovered something tonight.

I discovered that all I am doing…is trying to fill a void. A hole…a place where a piece of my heart used to be. I search the faces, the eyes, the body language, and look for someon open to me. Why? Because, I want to fill the hole in my chest. I look to someone I think can just pacify me, because I don’t want to be heartbroken anymore. I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. I sit here and tell myself, that if I could find someone to just cling to, I wouldn’t love him so much. I could move forward…instead of stay where I am. Yet, I go out there…and I try to meet people…and I put myself out there…and it blows up in my face.

I hate being in love right now. I hate it that he doesn’t feel the same…it’s like I am walking in circles.

Well, I have to say I started this blog as one part of me….I am finishing it, as another.

I walked through a door. I opened it, and walked right on in. Took every bit of the balls I didn’t have to not turn around and run for the hills. I opened up. Not like blog open, but like heart on the table open…wow…

I am glad I did.

One day I will learn that sometimes placing your self on a table and opening your heart up…is a good thing…even if it’s bad. So, now that I have skipped all over the damned place…there ya go!! Make of it what you will…

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty