Archive for August, 2008

I wanna let go.

I just don’t know how…I don’t really know if I want to…I just know that I need to. Does that make sense? It’s useless trying to hold onto something that has never been there. It’s like trying to breathe air under water. You drown. You tell yourself that things will change, they always do, and get sorely disappointed when they don’t. How does someone let go of that which they never had? It’s the hardest thing on earth to do. They don’t know what your holding onto, and you don’t really know either. All you know is that you think about them every free minute of the day. You wonder if they do the same thing. You try to push it out of your conscious thought, and it invades your subconscious and works it’s way into your dreams. You realize that all those little things, mean more than you ever thought they would. It’s an insane thing!! You don’t realize it at the time, but you are torturing yourself…slowly. You turn away from it, and try to find distractions. Sometimes though, a distraction is just that….a distraction, for the briefest amount of time…then you are back to square one.

I need to let go, I just don’t want to. It’s tough…and I think that maybe as time goes by, I might eventually fade into my own background and leave that which is behind me…there. Time will tell my heart what needs to be done.

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

So…I am a Kelly Clarkson fan. This song kinda snaps me up and grabs me. Maybe it’s just the words themselves, but it really talks to me.

And I don’t know This could break my heart or save me Nothing’s real Until you let go completely So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

And I don’t know I could crash and burn but maybe At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me

Three months and I’m still breathing Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in But I know it’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here Three months and I’m getting better yeah Three months yeah, three months are hard

Three months and I’m still breathing Three months and I still remember it Three months I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

I think it talks about losing the one you love. It doesn’t specify in detail, but yeah…I can associate…it’s a deep song, and her voice is so haunting int it….

Kitty

Tuesday!

Isn’t it amazing how the little things just make the world stop or spin or just seem amazing? Then there are those little things that make it all crash down around you. How are we supposed to deal with all the ups and downs of this life? We can all say, ‘take it step by step’, but in the long run, it doesn’t work.

I don’t ever ask for much from anyone. I just want people to be honest with me, and I want people to be themselves around me. It’s hard to explain what goes on in this head of mine, and what makes my heart beat faster or stop completley, but it is the little things in life, that makes the world go round or stop or crash down around us. It could be a smile, a touch, a word, an action. All of it makes your world.

So, what do I need in my world to make it go round instead of crashing? That is a question that still needs to be answered. I have an idea, but unfortunately I get more crashes than rounds.

See ya’ll on the flip side!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Ugh…so…yeah…I am kinda out there this evening!! I am way tired, and quite silly and wanted to write earlier…and now I don’t. I was looking to write about how I feel…I just don’t have the heart for it tonight. What is wrong with me?

Idk…maybe something will come to me later.

Later ya’ll

Kitty

So…I love Dierks Bently…This song is sooo great…It talks to you..ya know!!

Here it is!!

That ole picture frame keeps hangin round
I ain’t ready yet to take it down
Every now and then I’ll slam the door
Shake it loose and she’ll hit the floor
But I can’t throw a good thing away
I wish it would break

And I swear my trucks got a haunted radio
Cause I hear you in every song
But I know what the silence makes me do
So I give those buttons more abuse
I wonder how much punchin it can take
I wish it would break

There I could move on, right on down the line
Where I don’t see you, need you, in my life
You’re wrapped around me
Your memories bound me like a chain
I wish it would break

This ole hearts got a mind of it’s own
It’s decided not to let you go
And even though your love’s no longer here
It won’t let me shed one tear
Cause it’s still holdin on to yesterday
I wish it would break

There I could move on, right on down the line
Where I don’t see you, need you, in my life
You’re wrapped around me
Your memories bound me like a chain
I wish it would break

I wish it would break
yeah, I wish it would break
Go on and break

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Howdy ya’ll!

Well it’s Tuesday and I really wish it was Friday!! I thought my crud was going away, but it decided to come back for a second round and kick my butt. I am actually craving honey lemon tea…WTF is that about??? They have lemon tea up here at work…but no honey

Okay…so I have been given a mission. It should be really simple…but it seems really hard..LOL…I have to get together some pics of things that are important to me. Simple right? Well, I got to thinking about this on the way to work this morning. What is really important to me? Well, there are the fundamental importants: Family, Friends, and my Cat. What else is important to me…the more I think about it…the harder it gets. I mean I think all kinds of things are important, but what means the most to me? So, as I am driving in today, I think about it, and it all seems like trivial things to me…. Example: photography – it’s an important part of my life, I like to try and imagine the world as others see it. So when I take a picture, I think…how would someone else look a this, what would they see. So it is important to me, because it allows me to open up my eyes. How do I capture that importance…I could just take pictures, but I don’t know that that would do it justice..LMAO. Then there are the little things…like reading, and writing, and my collectibles…I really thought this should be easy…how do I make it easy? LOL…maybe I am just looking to deeply? Maybe I just need to close my eyes and focus…

Well in the long run, I will let you guys and gals know what is up with the project and keep you informed. I have blogging material again!! Sweet!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty

Okay…so the past couple of days, I look at my blog and I say…what am I gonna write about today? Then I stare at my computer and well…it sits there. The monitor showing the various screens I switch between. The Base humming…and well…I sit here…and stare somemore. I turn on my iTunes…maybe that will inspire me….no. So I look through past pictures, I look at pics in my gallery. Nope…nothing. So, I get this idea…how about I write about not being able to write. Maybe that will inspire some kind of mental click, and I will be able to get past my block. So this is where I am…

Yeah…I got nothing. I hear the music, feel the air around me, and try to get the ‘vibe’….where has it gone???? I think I have lost my blogging mojo…LMAO. I haven’t been inspired lately. I haven’t seen anything that made me go WOW!

Oh well….maybe I just need to relax and maybe it will come to me….

Onward ya’ll!!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty