Sitting here, I got a letter in the mail today. It’s from my lawyer. My date has been set. October 17th, 2008. My divorce will be finalized. I am happy about this, and yet a little disturbed by it too. Yeah…that just came out of my mouth. See, I still car for my ex, and we are friends still. It makes me question what I might have done differently. Why did he leave me, was I a bad person? Did I do so much wrong, that he didn’t want to be with me. I worked, took care of the kids, gave him what he wanted, when he wanted it. Yet, I still wasn’t what he needed. I heard a song, just a few minutes ago. Kelli Picklers ‘Didn’t you know how much I loved you’, it prompted this mess of a blog.

So, I am not in love with him anymore. After all the craziness I have been through over the past 8 or so years I could never be in love with him again. I think it is more that I gave and gave, and what did I get in return? Heartache….Loss of my innocence….Loss of the one thing I thought would be forever….15 years of my life was devoted to this man, and he rubbed it off like water off his skin. I think that is what hurts the most, he left me, because she was coming into town and he wanted to see her. He wanted to be with her. Then when it didn’t happen, he thought he could just come back to me….No…I got tired of it, I deserve better. But it still makes it weird, that I am signing away almost 16 years of marriage on the 17th of October.

So this song brought this on.

I remember the way you made love to me

Like I was all you’d ever need

Did you change your mind

Well I didn’t change mine

Now here I am trying to make sense of it all

We were best friends now we don’t even talk

You broke my heart

Ripped my world apart

Didn’t you know how much I loved you

Didn’t you know how much I loved you, baby

I gave you everything, every part of me

Didn’t you feel it when I touched you

Didn’t I rock you when I loved you, baby

Baby, tell me

Didn’t you know how much I loved you

I can’t get you out of my head

I still feel you in this bed

Left me all alone

You couldn’t be more gone

From falling apart to fighting mad

From wanting you back to not giving a damn

I’ve felt it all

I’ve been to the wall

Didn’t you know how much I loved you

Didn’t you know how much I loved you, baby

I gave you everything, every part of me

Didn’t you feel it when I touched you

Didn’t I rock you when I loved you, baby

Baby, tell me

Didn’t you know how much I loved you

One day justice will come and find you

And I’ll be right there in your memory to remind you

Didn’t you know how much I loved you

Didn’t you know how much I loved you, baby

I gave you everything, every part of me

Didn’t you feel it when I touched you

Didn’t I rock you when I loved you, baby

Baby, tell me

Didn’t you know how much I loved you

Didn’t you know how much I loved you, baby

I gave you everything, every part of me

Didn’t you feel it when I touched you

Didn’t I rock you when I loved you, baby

Baby, tell me

I gave you everything, every part of me

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty