I lived once. It was a long time ago, but I lived. I lived in a big house on the beach, with the sound of the ocean beating against the shore. The seagulls flying over head searching the water for food. I loved to feel the wind of the sea on my face and the smell of salt in the air. I lived once. I would walk along the beach, feeling the sand move in between my toes and the cool water running up and down the shoreline. I could hear the scuttle of crabs on the rock jetties, and the call of dolphins on a clear morning. I lived once.

What happened? I don’t really know. I can tell you that I remember the sounds, smells and feel of my seaside home, but I can’t remember where it went. I remember the white house, it was 2 stories and it was on stilts for when the storms came in. There was a wrap around porch, with chairs on every side of the house. It had green window shutters and huge bay windows. There was a hammock on the back side of the house, on the beach line, hanging between two palm trees, so I could swing in the breeze. The kitchen had an open view of the shore, so I could watch the waves crash as I cooked big meals. The master bedroom faced the sea as well, with one wall almost completely glass, and a huge skylight above the bed, so that it would feel like I was sleeping under the stars and on the shore. I lived once. It was amazing to wake up on a clear blue day and see the sky above me, and hear the waves, and just lay in bed with you. I lived once. I didn’t have a TV, I had a radio, and a phone, and a library full of books, and you. What happened?

I was waiting….I remember now. It was a Mid summer day, and I was waiting for you to come home. The radio was playing my favorite song, and I was fixing our favorite dinner. A storm was moving in from the South, and I could see the lightning in the sky and the dark clouds rolling in. I loved the sound of the thunder overhead and when the rain came down it always was a soothing sound. The storm was still at least an hour off, and you still weren’t home yet. You were always good about calling to let me know you were running late. What happened? I finished up dinner, and poured us a glass of wine, I knew you would be here shortly. I waited….the storm rolled closer. I waited. The storm broke over the house with a fierce bolt of lightning and a large clap of Thunder. Then rain came down. There was a knock at the door. What happened? I walked through the house, and opened the front door, and there was a man in uniform, it was blue. He asked me if I was your wife…I looked at him puzzled, and wondered how anyone could know that I wasn’t? What happened? He told me that there had been an accident on the Ferry, and that several cars had gone into the bay. That yours may have been one of them. I told him that wasn’t possible, there had been nothing on the radio, it just wasn’t true. He advised that they hadn’t broadcasted it on the news to keep panic and hysteria down. He told me that the police and coast guard were doing all the could to recover the cars to verify, but in this weather……

What happened? The next 48 hours were miserable. You didn’t come home, your wine glass still sat on the table, dinner uneaten, the radio broadcasting the news that a ferry had gone down in the bay, they were still looking for the bodies. What happened….

I began to cry, knowing you were never coming home. Then I began to scream, then I began to throw things. The walls of our life fell around me, the windows of my soul crashed inside. The tides of change were all around me, and I didn’t know what to do. I lived once. What happened? Where did it all go…..

(to be continued)