Ever wanna just say screw it?

Yep…been there…done that…I am back…LMAO

So, I have had a weird and rather stressful couple of weeks. I am blustering through them the best I can, and trying to keep my cool about it. It gives me time to think back on what has happened to me over the past couple of years to get me to the here and now. I have dealt with hope, loss, faith, love, heartbreak, loss of innocence, and regaining control. I still struggle with it all. I still want to fight against all the wrongs and all the things that have made me cry. I know that not everything can be fought, we are here on this earth for a reason, and we are lead down paths that take us places we need to be. We usually end up there with people we want to be. Then for some reason, that path diverts, and we go someplace new, and a new person is set out to walk that path with us. It may be our closest friend, or it may be a total stranger that we haven’t met yet. Once we are on that path, we have a choice. Either follow it and enjoy where we end up or hate it. Don’t follow it, and regret not knowing. The past few years have lead me down paths that I am glad that I didn’t divert from. Some of them I wish hadn’t ended, but that can’t be helped. My path with them ended and a new one is beginning. It is one that I currently walk alone, until my path partner is shown to me, but one that has to be walked. It will take me where I need to go, and when I get there…I know that in the end, all the trials and tribulations I went through will be worth it. Sometimes we have to walk through hell to see the gates of heaven.

Wow…that got kinda deep for me. I have had a lot on my mind…and I have been leary of just letting it all out there. Sometimes we think we are safe in out little cocoon, and realize that sometimes no matter what, someone really is watching…

So, as I sit here, I think. I always thought that love was eternal..apparently not, divorce papers will prove that. That hate is a strong word I don’t use often, but I think that I have a hatred growing inside me. Friends are gained and lost, some as easy as the flip of a coin…others we cling to, because they are all we know. We love and lose, and yet we can love again. We prepare ourselves for the loss of loved ones, and yet it still breaks our souls. We put out 110% and may only get acknowledged 10% of the time. Sometimes a well deserved pat on the back is never given. We stretch ourselves to emotional breaking points and all it takes is being stranded on a crowded airport sidewalk to make us breakdown and let it all go. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And sometimes…one year of love is better than a lifetime alone.

I think that we bring oursleves to the place where we need to be, instead of where we want to be, we are rewarded with what we want in the long run.

That is my philisophical mumble jumble for the week. I hope that it enlightens you and lets you realize that we are all just people, and sometimes it’s good to look at the past and realize we are where we are, because someone lead us to this path.

Hugs and kisses,
Kitty

P.S. I should have thought of a different title