Grrrr

So I got home at about 1230 this morning, and on the way in I hit my big toe on the curb, and proceeded to bleed all over the damned house, while my cat is trying to kill me by tripping me up!! I didn’t sleep well again, my shoulder has a tight muscle in it, and it’s killing me!! I can’t relax enough to play bejeweled 2 as well as I normally would. I am stuck at work and well I am bored…I am ranting..yes!!

I feel better for that. I love the therapy I get from writing. I was recently asked if I read my own blogs…yep!! I go back a few days later and review what I wrote, because sometimes when I get caught up in the heat of the moment of sharing my feelings, I get ummm very open. Yes, that is actually what I am feeling when I write it. To me some people are easy to talk to. Some are not so easy to talk to. I don’t know why, but that is just the way it is. So, when I write I feel like I am communicating the way I feel in a way that hopefully other people can understand it.

It’s like trying to describe a picture to a blind person. They can’t see what you are telling them, but if given enough time and with patience, when you describe the picture, they will see it. Eventually you get everything detailed enough and explained enough that they see what you are telling them. It may take several times to get it completely right, but with enough patience everything will fall into place in their eyes. Then you see the whole picture and not just whats on the surface, and so do they.

Like I have said it’s about communication. I communicate differently with different people. Some people I can just open up and talk with, like we have been the best of friends forever. Others, I get around, and I clam up. It’s not because of anything they have or haven’t done, it’s because I don’t know what to expect from them. Even after knowing someone for a while, you tend to still not be able to read them. I would love nothing more than to be able to look them in the eye and just talk to them. About everything on my mind. I get around them, though, and it’s like the walls come up. Maybe I just think I am going to get hurt by what I see or hear. Strange…I know. I wish I could fix it, I guess that blogging is my way to do that. I can talk to those people with out actually talking to them. Does that make sense? I can get across through the written word, what I can’t say in the verbal word. Then if there is anything that is felt when they read it, they have the choice to talk to me about it, and prepare themselves for the walled in part of me. It doesn’t take much to get through the walls, you just have to be gentle and not force them down.

So, there is a little insight into why I write. It’s all about being able to communicate effectly where I can’t normally. Some may look at it as the chicken shit way to do things, but it’s not. It’s a way to get the other person to communincate back. Hopefully in a understandable and effective way…LOL!!

Ya’ll have a good one!!

Hugs and Kisses,

Kitty